My past four days have been consumed by UEFA's Euro 2012. My sister is a huge soccer fan, so we've been watching every game. (Well, I did lose most of the Russia v. Czech Republic match to a quick trip to the mall.) Anyway, it's made me realize I'd like to hug a soccer player.
If you watch five hours of soccer a day, you see a lot of writhing in agony. Or, writhing in fakery, if England is playing. But if someone is genuinely in pain, I doubt wetting their sock and fogging their knee is going to do a lot of good. After multiple knocks and tumbles, I just want to give some of these guys a hug. (And a Vicodin, but I'm not gonna get involved in the international drug trade.)
I'll admit this wish is tough to accomplish for a few reasons. First, most of these guys get most of their hugs -- among other things -- from models. If not full-fledged models, aspiring models, as in the mysterious "nocturnal incident" attributed to Boateng by commentators. So, my arms aren't as long or gorgeous as those of a six-foot siren. This probably diminishes hug quality. Second, there's the pesky fact that my arm muscles don't really work.
Maybe I need to upgrade to a kiss. That's do-able, and plausible, as people kiss boo-boos. In that case, send Neuer my way. Er ist sehr schoen!
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