I want to be the guy at the Scripps National Spelling Bee who gives out the words, definitions, origins, pronunciations, and sentences. My vocabulary would be so vast. I could use it whilst employing maieutic strategies. After all, I can't waste time with a turnverein.
I'll admit, the current guy is really good. And funny in a dry way. Maybe I'd settle for dinging the wrong answer bell.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Find My Signature Drink
If you ask anyone who knows me, they'll probably tell you it's Coke. I usually have a can by my side morning, noon, and night. In fact, I haven't had anything else to drink since Sunday when I decided to switch it up with a can of Sunkist. Coke is my life elixir. Seriously. The caffeine constricts my blood vessels, which does something to my lungs, which makes it a lot easier to breathe in cases of life-threatening congestion.
But what I'm talking about is my signature alcoholic beverage. My first drinks in a bar were when I was 20 and my roommates took me to their friend's uncle's bar. I ordered the only two drinks I had heard of, a cosmopolitan and a long island iced tea. As I learned few people had the audacity to card a girl in a wheelchair, I ordered cosmopolitans. They seemed more innocent.
However, as I started going out to functions with friends and could order drinks in the open (at 21), I saw a lot of moms with cosmos. Not cool. Long islands seemed too complicated for my last year at college, and they were always made inconsistently. Not to mention that one of my friends hijacked the drink and acted like a total ass after he drank them. So, I opted for the unfussy rum and Coke.
But, the rum just spoiled by beloved Coke. Especially the knockoff Admiral Nelson rum that my aide accidentally bought instead of Captain Morgan. And, really, rum and Coke is just too innocuous.
I tried scotch for a while. Terrific for getting drunk on, and definitely an attention-getter, but gag-worthy going down the hatch. Especially since I drink with a straw. I went to the Manhattan next. Better flavor, but I broke my femur when, drunk, I asked a drunk friend to help me go to the bathroom. After that, I wasn't really into drinking Manhattans... or anything.
I do love a good Riesling. And I have found a great mixed drink. A local bar offers the Ball & Biscuit Champagne Cocktail, St. Germaine Elderflower Liqueur stirred with The Bitter Truth Orange Bitters and Pierre Delize. It's amazing. But it's also once of their cocktails, not mine, and not something I can order everywhere.
So... the search continues. Bottoms up!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Dine at Le Bernardin
I love watching Avec Eric on PBS, and would love to try some of Chef Ripert's creations. Most of the stuff he eats on the show is caught and eaten somewhere in the Caribbean, but I want to go to Le Bernardin. 3 Michelin stars? 4 stars from The New York Times? Oui!
I've checked out the menu, and if I were dining there tonight I'd order the Chef's Tasting Menu with wine pairings:
Time for me to go salivate while I try to choke down Meals on Wheels' latest mystery meat offering...
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Roadtrip Route 66, the PCH, and I-80
I've wanted to do Route 66 for quite a while. Like seeing the Statue of Liberty, it seems like something any true American should do. I want to see the Southwest, and stop at all the local points of interest along the way.
Because time is short and I want to maximize my drive through America, I figure it would be cool to check some more states off my list. Hence, a second road. I-80 makes sense, and I watched a documentary on truck stops the other day, in which I learned there is a gigantic one with amenities including a dentist and barber shop in Iowa. I could stop in for the buffet.
And, might as well do it right and add in the Pacific Coast Highway as long as we're out that way.
Because time is short and I want to maximize my drive through America, I figure it would be cool to check some more states off my list. Hence, a second road. I-80 makes sense, and I watched a documentary on truck stops the other day, in which I learned there is a gigantic one with amenities including a dentist and barber shop in Iowa. I could stop in for the buffet.
And, might as well do it right and add in the Pacific Coast Highway as long as we're out that way.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Go to the Met Gala
I want to go to the Met Gala (or, more technically, the Costume Institute Gala). I love the Met, I love NYC, and as far as soirees go, the fancier the better.
My dad is from Long Island, and his sister still lives in the City. When I was little, I remember seeing the Rockettes and Christmas window displays. We also got to go on a special tour of the Federal Reserve, in which I sat at a Board Room table, got to go into the vault and hold a gold bar, and was given a package of thousands of dollars in shredded money. It was awesome!
When I was in college, my aunt took me on the train into the City for the day. I squeezed into her apartment for a while, and we took the bus. A guy sitting across the aisle gave me a portrait he had sketched of me before getting off at Rockefeller Center. The rest of the day was spent at the Met, which seemed to have more riches than the Federal Reserve. I saw knightly armor, Tiffany glass, and clothing worn by European aristocracy. Most perplexing fact learned: panties are a pretty modern fashion staple.
Of course, as far as fashion goes the Met Gala is the place to be. It's tough to be glamourous with a physique as weird as mine, and I've always wanted a gown to be custom-made so as to actually fit. I bet an up-and-coming designer would be willing to help out with that if they knew their creation would be seen by the world's elite at the Gala. Problem: the cheapest ticket is $5k. If only I could glue that shredded money back together...
My dad is from Long Island, and his sister still lives in the City. When I was little, I remember seeing the Rockettes and Christmas window displays. We also got to go on a special tour of the Federal Reserve, in which I sat at a Board Room table, got to go into the vault and hold a gold bar, and was given a package of thousands of dollars in shredded money. It was awesome!
When I was in college, my aunt took me on the train into the City for the day. I squeezed into her apartment for a while, and we took the bus. A guy sitting across the aisle gave me a portrait he had sketched of me before getting off at Rockefeller Center. The rest of the day was spent at the Met, which seemed to have more riches than the Federal Reserve. I saw knightly armor, Tiffany glass, and clothing worn by European aristocracy. Most perplexing fact learned: panties are a pretty modern fashion staple.
Of course, as far as fashion goes the Met Gala is the place to be. It's tough to be glamourous with a physique as weird as mine, and I've always wanted a gown to be custom-made so as to actually fit. I bet an up-and-coming designer would be willing to help out with that if they knew their creation would be seen by the world's elite at the Gala. Problem: the cheapest ticket is $5k. If only I could glue that shredded money back together...
Monday, May 21, 2012
Be the Next Bachelorette
Casting Director for The Bachelorette, will you accept this rose? Let's look for love together. I want to be the next Bachelorette!
Come on, it will be ratings gold. As much as I really like Ali and Emily, I don't think the "average" woman can relate. Of course guys are going to fall for gorgeous blondes. And how could you not fall in love canoeing through waterfalls and exploring castles?
My season will be different. First, the bombshell will not be me, but the fact that the Bachelorette is in a wheelchair. Yes, those awkward introductions can get even more awkward. Some of the guys might just walk off the show. Perhaps others will stay on to gain publicity, but say mean stuff about me during their individual interviews. But can you imagine how the audience would react if the girl in the wheelchair got Bentley-ed? They'd rally.
Of course, the dates wouldn't be as exciting. No jumping out of helicopters for me. We'd play Uno and Ticket to Ride. If they gave me nerds, I suppose we could crack open Catan. I would like to travel as they do on the show, but instead of exotic beaches, we'd need to go to metropolitan destinations. Athens would be awesome. Since hosting the Paralympics, I hear that area of Greece is now super-accessible. Toward the end, I guess I could assent to the beach; the guys just need time to prove I wouldn't get dropped.
Because of the circumstances, though, I feel like if I did find love on the show that it would last. It would be real. We'd have to engage in activities like problem-solving, and there would be no way (at least for me) to hide my faults. People who watch could relate, or even think I'm worse-off then they are. And so when I found love, it would give a message of hope rather than fantasy. Prove true love is real. That's something I'd be okay with being the poster child for...
Come on, it will be ratings gold. As much as I really like Ali and Emily, I don't think the "average" woman can relate. Of course guys are going to fall for gorgeous blondes. And how could you not fall in love canoeing through waterfalls and exploring castles?
My season will be different. First, the bombshell will not be me, but the fact that the Bachelorette is in a wheelchair. Yes, those awkward introductions can get even more awkward. Some of the guys might just walk off the show. Perhaps others will stay on to gain publicity, but say mean stuff about me during their individual interviews. But can you imagine how the audience would react if the girl in the wheelchair got Bentley-ed? They'd rally.
Of course, the dates wouldn't be as exciting. No jumping out of helicopters for me. We'd play Uno and Ticket to Ride. If they gave me nerds, I suppose we could crack open Catan. I would like to travel as they do on the show, but instead of exotic beaches, we'd need to go to metropolitan destinations. Athens would be awesome. Since hosting the Paralympics, I hear that area of Greece is now super-accessible. Toward the end, I guess I could assent to the beach; the guys just need time to prove I wouldn't get dropped.
Because of the circumstances, though, I feel like if I did find love on the show that it would last. It would be real. We'd have to engage in activities like problem-solving, and there would be no way (at least for me) to hide my faults. People who watch could relate, or even think I'm worse-off then they are. And so when I found love, it would give a message of hope rather than fantasy. Prove true love is real. That's something I'd be okay with being the poster child for...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Guest Star on Grey's or Private Practice
I want to be on an episode of Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice. I used to make faces in the mirror when I was little, preparing early for my acting debut. Unfortunately, there are not many roles for those with my type of mutation. (Had I been a turtle, I may have had more luck.) Most of the time, people with authentic physical disabilities are not chosen for the stage or screen.
Private Practice, however, did feature Michael Patrick Thornton (as Dr. Gabriel Fife), a paraplegic. The ethical dilemmas he was involved in were unique, and I was bummed when his character left. Having a Master's in bioethics, myself, I would love to see more people with disabilities involved in showcasing very real and relevant issues they face. (Call me, Shonda Rhimes!)
I want to be a girl with SMA (duh) who approaches a doctor about assisted suicide or is in the hospital for trying herself. She's not in danger of death anytime soon, but does require total assistance with care. The care she has been receiving is terrible, and there is no immediate alternative. Her rationality and intellect will win over a doctor, who finds her eerily reasonable. Other doctors recognize the situation as immoral. They will send in social workers to try and find the patient supports needed to live happily -- housing, employment, consistent care -- but will fail.
Hopefully, Shonda wouldn't kill my character off. If I was a good enough actress, perhaps the doctor who wanted to help would see me as a love interest. (While both Karev and Avery seem to be single at the moment, I really like Hunt.) As my character began to feel better, I would hate the doctor for actually wanting to kill me. Or, I could just degenerate and he could go as crazy watching me suffer from a disorder he could do nothing about. That's a recurring theme.
Anyway, I'd like to get it out there that many people who seek assisted suicide just need better social supports. And that people with real disabilities can make for compelling TV. And put my ethical and face-making expertise to good use! ;-)
Private Practice, however, did feature Michael Patrick Thornton (as Dr. Gabriel Fife), a paraplegic. The ethical dilemmas he was involved in were unique, and I was bummed when his character left. Having a Master's in bioethics, myself, I would love to see more people with disabilities involved in showcasing very real and relevant issues they face. (Call me, Shonda Rhimes!)
I want to be a girl with SMA (duh) who approaches a doctor about assisted suicide or is in the hospital for trying herself. She's not in danger of death anytime soon, but does require total assistance with care. The care she has been receiving is terrible, and there is no immediate alternative. Her rationality and intellect will win over a doctor, who finds her eerily reasonable. Other doctors recognize the situation as immoral. They will send in social workers to try and find the patient supports needed to live happily -- housing, employment, consistent care -- but will fail.
Hopefully, Shonda wouldn't kill my character off. If I was a good enough actress, perhaps the doctor who wanted to help would see me as a love interest. (While both Karev and Avery seem to be single at the moment, I really like Hunt.) As my character began to feel better, I would hate the doctor for actually wanting to kill me. Or, I could just degenerate and he could go as crazy watching me suffer from a disorder he could do nothing about. That's a recurring theme.
Anyway, I'd like to get it out there that many people who seek assisted suicide just need better social supports. And that people with real disabilities can make for compelling TV. And put my ethical and face-making expertise to good use! ;-)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Take a Piggyback Ride on a Basketball Player
Yeah, I know this one is totally out-of-the-box, but that's what this blog is about. Hear me out...
I used to enjoy watching the Pacers. Remember, I'm from Indiana, and I was a kid before the rise of Peyton Manning and the debacle that was (is?) Ron Artest. Basketball was still a way of life here. Make-A-Wish even invited me to meet the Pacers one night. It was pretty cool. Isaiah Thomas promised to vote for me if I even run for political office. I delivered a love letter to Sam Perkins from one of my teachers. Reggie Miller bent down to talk to me, and in so doing stuck his butt directly in the face of my friend. (The mascot kept wiggling his own butt at my friend the rest of the night.)
Anyway, the Pacers are finally doing well again! And my sister is a huge fan of the Oklahoma City Thunder. As such, we've been watching a lot of basketball. The other day, we watched the Thunder cream the Mavericks, and Jason Kidd looked diminutive next to Backpack (Kevin Durant), Mohawk (James Harden), and Booty Tooch (Derek Fisher). I decided then that it would be awesome to be as tall as or taller than a basketball player. Hence, taking a piggyback ride on a basketball player.
Besides, I'm sick of a wheelchair being my only mode of transport.
I used to enjoy watching the Pacers. Remember, I'm from Indiana, and I was a kid before the rise of Peyton Manning and the debacle that was (is?) Ron Artest. Basketball was still a way of life here. Make-A-Wish even invited me to meet the Pacers one night. It was pretty cool. Isaiah Thomas promised to vote for me if I even run for political office. I delivered a love letter to Sam Perkins from one of my teachers. Reggie Miller bent down to talk to me, and in so doing stuck his butt directly in the face of my friend. (The mascot kept wiggling his own butt at my friend the rest of the night.)
Anyway, the Pacers are finally doing well again! And my sister is a huge fan of the Oklahoma City Thunder. As such, we've been watching a lot of basketball. The other day, we watched the Thunder cream the Mavericks, and Jason Kidd looked diminutive next to Backpack (Kevin Durant), Mohawk (James Harden), and Booty Tooch (Derek Fisher). I decided then that it would be awesome to be as tall as or taller than a basketball player. Hence, taking a piggyback ride on a basketball player.
Besides, I'm sick of a wheelchair being my only mode of transport.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Put the Coke in the Crown with Kenny Chesney
I want to go to a party and put the Coke in the Crown with Kenny Chesney. Yes, my sitting at home all day includes watching music videos on CMT. And, yes, I would like to "Feel Like a Rock Star."
Despite growing up in Indiana, I used to avoid country music; I thought it was all about two-steps and two-timing lovers. However, when I saw Trace Adkins and John Rich on Celebrity Apprentice, I realized country singers were a lot of fun. Last summer I won tickets to a Kenny Chesney concert, and I found myself having a blast.
Quite the opposite of my original suspicions, country music celebrates good times. It extols the joy found in simple pleasures, reveres the important stuff like love and honor, and entertains while doing so. I can't think of many places I would rather live than within a country song.
Hence, the first entry on my bucket list. I want to thank Kenny Chesney for introducing me to the awesomeness of "Summertime" and have a helluva time doin' it. Party time!
Despite growing up in Indiana, I used to avoid country music; I thought it was all about two-steps and two-timing lovers. However, when I saw Trace Adkins and John Rich on Celebrity Apprentice, I realized country singers were a lot of fun. Last summer I won tickets to a Kenny Chesney concert, and I found myself having a blast.
Quite the opposite of my original suspicions, country music celebrates good times. It extols the joy found in simple pleasures, reveres the important stuff like love and honor, and entertains while doing so. I can't think of many places I would rather live than within a country song.
Hence, the first entry on my bucket list. I want to thank Kenny Chesney for introducing me to the awesomeness of "Summertime" and have a helluva time doin' it. Party time!
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